The Hardest Part is Leaving You
by Broken.Hell
Summary: The hardest part of leaving was saying goodbye to you but I couldn't stand watching you be happy with someone else while I was breaking on the inside...unrequited Fem!Can/Russia. Human names used and slight Gauken.
1. leaving you

A/N: This is just a quick one-shot. Maybe I'll make it a two-shot or a story...I don't know. Hope you like it though! This is slightly Gauken or however you spell it!

Disclaimer: I don't own hetalia

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The hardest part is leaving you...

~Maddie~

I didn't want to say goodbye to him, but I had to. I couldn't stay any longer, not when he was that happy with someone else... Not when everytime I saw him that gut wrenching feeling in my chest grew so much more and my heart would crumble to dust a little bit more. I had to leave and maybe one day I could come back to him. One day hopefully it would hurt less. And I could smile at him when he is with her and mean it...

* * *

I loved him. I really did but I couldn't handle it.

"So that's it? He's driven you to leave? Don't let the damn bastard make you leave. You are stronger than that, stop being such a fucken wuss!" Lovina yelled at me. She was the only one that knew, and sure she never was that suportive of my love but she didn't want me to leave.

"Lovina, I can't sit by and watch him be happy with her when I'm slowly breaking silently here, with my fake smiles when secretly I'm crying on the inside." I said.

"But you don't need to leave. It will get better." She said, still trying to reason with me.

"That's what I told myself but it just got worse. We both know it won't get better. I know I'm being a coward, running away from this, but right now that's the best way for me to deal with this." I said.

"I know I won't be able to talk you out of this, but please make sure that you are doing the best thing." Lovi said pulling me into a tight hug.

"I will. I promise to keep in touch." I said getting up and walking out of the small italian styled home.

* * *

I walked to my dorm, the light from the lamp posts guiding my way. The night was beautiful, the stars were shining bright as if making one of my last nights here memorable. I smiled a small smile as I made it to my front door. Just three more days until my flight.

I walked into the now bare dorm. All that was here was the fridge, my bed, and drawers. They would be moved to my new home on the day of my flight.

I quickly changed into my pajamas and layed down on the bare matress. I wanted to leave but at the same time I knew I could possibly regret this, but it was worth a shot. I needed to restart my life with out him.

* * *

Today was my last day here. There were no classes today since it was Saturday. I didn't know how I was going to tell him goodbye but I had to. No matter how much it hurt me. I had already tried to tell him muktiple times but everytime the words jsut would not come out. Other times she would appear and I just couldn't say what I wanted.

A letter...

That's it. I'll just right him a letter...

I sat down on my bed and started writting.

* * *

"Flight 17 to Vancouver now bording." A voice over the loud speaker said. That's my flight. I grabbed my lavender colored suit case and borded the the plane. Lovina had said goodbye to me this morning. The letter I wrote to him was taped to his dorm door. I hope he notices it.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please put your seatbelts on we will be leaving in 3 minutes." The flight attendant said.

This was it. Hopefully I would be back next year if my emotions settled down.

* * *

~Ivan~

I walked to my dorm and noticed a red envolope taped to it. It had my name written on it in beautiful writting that I knew well.

I grabbed it and sat on my bed. I opened up and read the letter. It read:

Dear Ivan,

I didn't know how to say this to you without messing up so this was my last resort. Of this whole situation this is the hardest part, but I could not bare to see you so happy with another. You see Ivan I love you and it hurt to see you with my sister. I just could not bare it anymore so I'm moving back to Canada, I'm already gone on my flight by now. I hope I can come back later on, maybe in a year or two. I just had to let you know how I felt before I left. I know you would never feel the same way. I just hoped, but that was my mistake. I love you Ivan but if being with Amelia makes you happier then that's all I want for you.

Now the hard part. Goodbye Ivan. I wanted to say this to you face to face but everytime I tried I messed up or Amelia interupted. This is so hard for me. I hope you can forgive me for not saying this personally.

I love you,

Madeline Williams

Maddie was gone...and it was all my fault.

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A/N: Hope you liked it! This may turn into a two-shot or a three-shot if a couple people want it. Please review! The feedback would be great. And please excuse the spelling mistakes, I am currently rushing since I am suppose to be doing something way different than this while on the computer...hehe...


	2. missing you

A/n: Hello! You guys seemed to really want this story to continue. So it will. I'll probably update when I'm not working on my other fics. So anyway what would you guys say to a crack pairing in this? Now it will be RusCan but as a side pairing I want to put a crack side pairing. I'm thinking Germano…you know Germany/Romano. Just give me your opinion on it. Still not sure.

Disclaimer: I don't own *sniffle*

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~Lovina~

I sat on my bed starring outside of my window. Maddie has been gone for almost a year now. I miss her so much, she was my best friend, and damn it! I need her to keep me sane in this hell hole!

_Bing_

I turned to my open laptop and saw an email. I was going to ignore it until I saw who it was from.

It was from Maddie! I opened it up and read it.

_Dear Lovina,_

_Hey it's me Maddie! I miss you so much. I'm doing a bit better. You? Any new news? I'm dieing to hear from you! I hope I can see you soon! Maybe over Christmas break?_

_Love,_

_Maddie_

_P.s: How is Ivan?_

It was the first email from Maddie. At least I know she hasn't forgotten me.

But what to tell her…

_Dear Maddie,_

_I miss you too. Why the fucking hell has it taken you this long to respond! Bitch do you know how worried I was? It's been almost a year! I know you might have been busy but I want to hear from you!_

_It's not the same with out you here. I hope you can come back to school soon. A lot has happened. I wish you were here. Just to let you know the damn vodka bastard is on a drinking spree. I don't know why though. Of course I'll come visit you over break! I'll have to ask my damn pedophile of a grandfather but not like he'll say no. Everyone misses you; they all come bitching to me asking if I've heard anything from you. You should have seen the hockey team when they found out you were gone. The wussies started balling their freaking eyes out. Not much to say. I guess I'll see you in two weeks?_

_Love,_

_Lovina_

I sent the email and lay back on my bed. I was finally going to see my best friend.

~The next day~

I woke up and got ready fro the day. After I was done and had my uniform on I walked over to my grandfather's office to find out if I could go visit Maddie.

_Knock, knock_

"Come in~" My grandfather said in his usual cheery voice. Damn was it annoying.

I walked in and sat down in front of his desk.

"Ah Lovi! It's nice for you to come and visit me! Why don't you visit your nono more?' He asked hugging me.

"Get off me." I said shoving him off.

"So Lovi, what do I owe this visit to?" He asked getting all professional.

"I wanted to know if I could go and stay with a friend over winter break." I said.

"Oh? And who is this friend?" He asked.

"Maddie. She invited me to stay over." I said.

"Well since it's Maddie I don't see the problem. So sure! Just behave!" He said.

"Thanks nono." I muttered and walked out, that was easy.

* * *

~Ivan~

My Madeline was gone. No I can not call her mine. She was never mine to begin with. I miss her so much. I have long since broken up with Amelia. I could no longer stay with her as long as I knew Maddie had loved me.

Why had it taken me so long to realize my own feelings? I punched the wall and left another dent in it. I wallowed in my depression. I had nothing left but my vodka and the memories of her. I missed her and hurt to know that I was the cause of her leaving. I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I just hoped that Maddie still loved me. What an idiot I am…

* * *

~Maddie~

I read over Lovina's response and smiled. It was the first smile I have had in a long time. I knew I should have emailed her sooner, but I was scared that she didn't want me as her friend. I missed everyone, especially her and Ivan.

As hard as I tried I could not get over my love for him. I could not keep track of my restless nights where in the end I would cry myself to sleep. I loved him and I fear I will always love him.

A tear slid down my face. I wiped it away.

"Not again." I muttered to myself.

But I hope I had enough control to return to school soon. Maybe even after winter break. I just want to get back to them…

* * *

A/n: Sorry this is a bit short. Not sure what you think. Please review it would help with writing the next chapter.


	3. bad news

A/n: Hey there! So it is decided the there will be Germano whether it be unrequited or not I am stil not sure! I hope you like this. I wasn't so happy with the last chapter. Please review when you finish reading!

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Chapter 3:

bad news

~Maddie~

I drove off to the airport waiting for Lovina's plane to arrive. I wasn't sure if I should tell her my new now or suprise her later. I smiled as I got out of my red pick up and walked into the small airport. I waited on a bench outside the gate and waited for her plane to land.

~Lovi~

Damn airplane and the damn flight attendant. Just a total perv! Ugh he got what he deserved when I head butted him. I let out a sigh of relief when the plane landed. I got out and took my carry on with me. I looked around for Maddie and saw her sitting on a bench.

"Maddie!" I yelled at her. She got up and ran at me. We hugged and did all that girly shit most girls do when they haven't seen their friends in a while. Hey I may be a bitch but I have a heart!

"Oh I've missed you!" Maddie said taking me to the luggage claim area. We waited for my luggage to pass by.

"Lovi your suitcase is the one with the tomatoes isn't it?" Maddie asked pointing to the luggage coming towards us.

"Yes." I muttered and grabbed my suitcase.

"Same old Lovi. Come on we better get going to my place." Maddie said and led me to a pick up truck. I threw my bags in the back and took my seat in next to her.

"So Lovi tell me, what's new?" Maddie said on our drive back. I took a good look at her. Her hair had grown from shoulder length to her mid back and she seemed a bit...bustier? Is that a word?

"Lovi?" She asked.

"I'll tell you, geez. But you first, you're the one who hasn't contacted me in a year!" I said and floded my arms. Hey I was still mad. A whole year and only one email!

"Well, sorry about that butI have been busy. You see you know the company my mother ran?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said, I knew her mother had passed away and left her with the company although a friend of her mother ran the company while she was away.

"Well since I got here I've pretty much been in charge of it. It's pretty hard but I've been doing okay. Other than that not much. Although I've started figure skating and I still play hockey." Maddie said.

"Really? Your in charge already?" I asked.

"Yup. It's not that bad. You? Tell me how everyone else is!" Maddie said.

"Well I've been better. You don't know how much that place sucks without you. I have no one to keep me from pounding all those bastards." I said.

"Get a boyfriend yet?" Maddie asked. I blushed.

"No!" I said a bit too quickly.

"Uh huh." She said and let the subject drop.

"So who knows you're here?" I asked. When Maddie had left as far as I knew I was the only one.

"Um...Well you know Lukas?" She asked.

"The emotionless bastard from Norway?" I asked.

"Yeah, he knows but only because he came to a benifit over the summer my company was holding. I told him not to tell anyone though, he understood." Maddie said.

"So you didn't tell Amelia? Elizaveta?" I askled.

"Nope. Amelia barely knows where England is let alone Canada and Eliza knew I was hurting. Tell me any new couples?" She asked.

"You bet. About half the bastards are hooked up and the ones that aren't soon will be. Eliza has her work cut ou." I said.

"What couples?" She asked.

"Oh you know. Feli and Antonio. France and some chick named Jean, Kiku and that sleepy greek chick Andromeda or something. Amelia and Arthur, and a shit load of others." I answered...wait shit I said Amelia and Arthur..

"Amelia and Arthur?" She asked.

"Oh look we're here!" I said as we pulled into the drive way of her three story home. It wasn't all grand and snobby but looked more like a homey cottage.

~Maddie~

Did she just say that Amelia and Arthur were together? Do I have a chance? No get a hold of yourself! You can't get your hopes up. Ivan probably has another girlfriend. I sighed in annoyance.

We climbed ou of the truck grabbed her bags and headed inside.  
"Here, you'll be staying in room next to mine. Rest up and I'll get you when dinner is ready. Do you want something specific for dinner?" I asked.

"Anything you make is fine." She said and went into her room.

"'kay. I'll get you later." I said and walked out.

~Time skip to dinner~

"Lovi, dinner is ready." I said knocking on her door.

"Hold up." She said, her voice sounded hoarce and as if she had been crying.

"Lovi are you okay?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Shut up and get out!" She yelled turning away from me.

But it was too late I had already seen her tear streaked face.

"Lovi what's wrong?" I asked getting closer.

"I-I-Can I tell you later? After dinner?" She asked wiping the tears and walking towards me.

"Sure." I said and lead her down to the kitchen where we ate dinner.

~After dinner~

We sat down on the red sofa and turned put on a movie.

"So Lovi, what's wrong?" She asked.

"I was just thinking about someone..." She said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Just someone. Please I'm not ready to talk about it." She said.

"Okay. You can tell me when you're ready." I said to her.

"Alright. So, what planns do we have for tomorrow?" She asked.

"Well, I kind of have a figure skating contest tomorrow and was wondering if you would like to come." I said shyly.

"'course! I want to see you skate." Lovi said.

"Great!" I said and then the phine wrang.

'I'll be right back." I said and walked over to the phone.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Maddie, it's me Angie! So listen I have some news. And you may not like it." Angie said.

"What is it?" I asked getting nervous.

"Well you see...You know how you wanted me to get information on tomorrow's competion?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said slowly.

"Well it looks like Nikolai Braginski and his older brother ivan will be at the competition." Angie said nervously

* * *

A/N: Yes I made belarus a boy...I like Male!Belarus! And I know Lovi seems a bit ooc. I apologize for that. A lot will happen next chapter. So stayed toon and please review they give me the motivation to write and post sooner!


	4. The disguise

A/N: I know, I know I need to update more but I've been busy so if I do update soon it will be at night, so please excuse the any spelling mistakes...

Disclaimer: I do not own hetalia. So stop rubbing it in!

* * *

~Maddie~

No this couldn't be. I'm not ready to face him.

"Maddie, listen you have a stage name and nothing a wig and some make up can't handle." Angie said.

"But what about Lovi?" I asked.

"All she needs is a wig, shades, and some make up. Don't argue with my logic Maddie, this happens tomorrow we don't have time." Angie said.

"Alright, I'm trusting you with this." I said.

"Have I ever let you down?" She asked.

"No." I said.

"Exactly, I'll see you in the morning." Angie said.

"See you." I said and we hung up.

I walked back over to the living room. Lovi looked up at me with a concerned face.

"What's wrong Maddie?" She asked.

"Ivan and his brother are going to be at the contest tomorrow." Maddie said.

"Shit," I said, "What are we going to do?"

"Angie, my mother's friend, said since I have a stage name and really I'm pretty new in the contests that a simple disguise. That includes you too." She said.

"Shit." Lovi said.

* * *

~Lovi~

I couldn't believe we had to wake up at freaking 6 in the morning! I am not a fucking morning person. I was practically falling asleep as Maddie made the pancakes and we waited for this Angie chick.

"Lovi eat, we have a big day." Maddie said placing a plate of her pancakes in front of me which I devoured. These were the fucking best!

Then the doorbell rang and Maddie went to go answer it. She came back with a tall blond woman who had bright hazel eyes and was carrying about three very large and full bags.

"If you're all done let's head to the bathroom." Angie said and walked towards the master bathroom. I finished up and followed them. The master bathroom was huge. It had a tub that could fit four people, a huge marble sink that was now full of make up, hair brushes, wigs, and other containers. It also had huge mirrors right in front of the sink, plus a nice size shower and window at the far side of the room that looked out to the woods behind her home.

"I'll do Maddie first, Lovi you can help." Angie said. I sat down on the one of the stools that were brought in. Maddie sat down on the stool, she looked a bit uncomfortable as Angie moved her face seeing what she could do with it.

"Which outfit are you wearing?" Angie asked.

"The blue one." Maddie said.

"Okay then. Here put this in your hair, Lovi I come here I might as well get your wig on." Angie said.

"What did you give her?" I asked.

"Red hair dye, don't worry it'll wash out in a week or two." Angie said.

"Why not put a wig on her?" I asked as she maneuvered my hair and placed a wig cap over it then proceeded to put a blond wig on me.

"Cause she has a lot movement, I can't be sure the wig will stay on." Angie said readjusting the wig and styling it. I looked in the mirror, they probably wouldn't recognize me at first sight but it was still noticable that it was me.

"Don't worry the make up will be done when I am finished with Maddie." Angie said and on cue Maddie said hair slightly wet but a nice bloody red. Angie sat her down and and began to work while I dozed off some more.

* * *

~Still Lovi~

I woke up with a start and looked at Angie and Maddie.

"Maddie?!" I yelled. Damn she looked different. The red hair was styled in a way she would never wear her hair. Her skin seemed a bit darker and instead of her purple eyes she had bright green contacts that also replaced her glasses.

"Alright your turn." Angie said and re-styled my hair. What I fell asleep not my fault I had to wake up at 6 in the fucking morning.

After a while I she was done and I looked in the mirror. My amber eyes were replaced by bright blue ones, my skin was made a couple shades lighter, and I didn't look like myself.

"Well get changed and get a snack, cause we have to be there a couple hours early so Maddie will have time to practice." Angie said.

"Yeah, yeah." I said and walked to my room. I changed into some dark blue skinny jeans, a black blouse and my light brown jacket. Then we were off to the rink.

* * *

~Maddie~

We walked into the rink and got it all sorted out. I went to the changing rooms and changed into my blue outfit. It was one of my favorites. It was a one shoulder leotard with short flowing skirt. It had a sweetheart neckline and was covered in small lighter blue details with some glitter here and there. I walked out and sat on the bench putting on my skates. I looked around and noticed that Angie forgot to mention something.

That something being that not just Ivan and his brother were going to be here but most of the people I knew from school would be here too...

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A/N: I leave you with this. I hope you enjoy it and please review it would mean a lot!


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